Cold Zombie Night and Desert Night
by Noone the Virgin
Summary: Nighttime is for the freaks.
1. Chapter 1

Thuds crashed all over the mansion. Furniture and walls were reduced to rubble. The cause of it all was a warthog-esque creature wearing a wedding dress. "WHERE IS HE?" It bellowed. "WHERE IS MY HUSBAND?" Looking around, she spotted a figure. It was Luffy, who got lost from his crew. "YOU!" The warthog bellowed, dashing at him. To its surprise, Luffy managed to stop it with a single hand. "Huh? Were you looking for me?" He asked. "I'M LOOKING FOR MY HUSBAND." It replied. Luffy looked at the warthog. "You're a woman?"

The warthog looked at Luffy with the force of a thousand feminists. "SO WHAT IF I AM!" She yelled, knocking Luffy away. "I didn't mean it like that, I was just surprised." He apologized. " I doubt you could even handle a real woman like me." "I could." Luffy walked up to the warthog and picked her up. "See? No problem." He said. "Well, you can carry me, so you're already in my good books. But can you last longer than a minute?" "What do you mean?"

"I mean, can you survive the pleasures of the flesh?" Luffy looked confused. "My body is rubber. It can survive a lot of things." The warthog roared, tearing off Luffy's shorts. "CAN YOU LAST A MINUTE OF SEX YOU IDIOT!" "Oh…" Luffy looked at the warthog. "I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT A REAL WOMAM CAN DO TO YOU. The warthog lifted her dress up, showing a large, gray vagina. "That thing looks sick." Luffy replied. The warthog made an angry face. "It's flowering, and waiting to make some lucky man feel like a king. Now FUCK MEEEEEEEEEEE!" Luffy got up and ran for his sweet virgin life.

MEANWHILE, in a dense part of wherever, Usopp and Robin were engaging in baby making. Robin's face was stoic the entire time. "This feels soooo good!" Usopp cried, having felt Robin's wondrous leg cave on Usopp Jr. "That it does, Mr. Long Nose." She said, emotionless. "I'm gonna come, ready Robin?" "Sure, go ahead." She answered, still stoic. "Usopp BLAST!" Usopp Jr. splattered with great force, force that for a moment made Robin wince a little. "Not bad…He's been holding this in for a while." Robin thought. Usopp passed out. "Ha…ha…I can die a happy man." Robin looked at him and flashed a smile.

At some point, Luffy was looking around. "I think I lost her." In a dark part of the forest, the warthog was atop someone. It was Sanji. "Stop, I don't wanna do this!" He cried. "YOU'RE HARD, YOU WANT THIS MORE THAN I DO." She bellowed. "N-no, I…" the warthog went down on Sanji's dick rough and rugged. "It's cold, it hurts so much." Sanji gritted his teeth. "Feel my warmth, feel my love, feel my passion, feel it ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" The warthog crashed down on Sanji's crotch, shatter every bone in that region. Sanji took one giant gasp and collapsed. "This isn't how I wanted my first time to be…"

Dedicated to Hiro, who hates my work.


	2. Desert Night

At the desert, the four amorous animals began to tease and test out their merchandise. The floozies were still under the influence, making them easy targets for date rape. The dog began to lick the face of the blonde one and smelling under her dress. He winced and went to the brunette, who had a milder smell. He went to her. Carue picked the one in a two piece, Eyelashes already was licking the pudgy one's crotch and the Dugong went for the blonde. They thoroughly engaged in a night of hot, untamed interspecies relations. The floozies' moans could be heard from all corners of the cold frigid desert. From the sand dune above, sprouted a pair of eyes. It was Scissors, the pervert sand crab. Having known the dog and Eyelashes for a while, he began to have hearts in his eyes.

Suddenly, from the left came a body. A large lizard's body. It stood in the way of Scissors' eyes. He went to another area to watch in. The lizard followed suit, blocking his vision. Carue's harlot moaned loudly as she began to take his rubbery duck dick and all of it sweet contents. Scissors came from out the sand to get a full look. The lizard jumped up and down to obscure his view. It was smacked away. Eyelashes' girl saw him. "Oh, look. It's a crab." She said. "Mr. Crab, are you gonna join us?" Scissors turned red at the thought of getting into the orgy. The four animals however objected to that. The crab went away into the sand, sad as a panda in jail for sexual harassment. Carue blasted his protein inside of his wench, as did Eyelashes, the Dugong and the Dog. The barks, the howls and the cries of their collective climaxes filled the night sky.

In another area, the lizard was shedding tears along with Scissors.

Having left the floozies in their juices, the four took a barrel of wine and drank heartily, acknowledging their friendship and accomplishment. The dog moreso took a drink, having fulfilled his duty to get some human booty. They laughed and drank for hours and hours and hours…

"Carue!"

It was a familiar voice. It was the voice of Princess Vivi. She looked at Carue with worried eyes. "What happened, are you okay?" She asked. Carue held his wing on his head, hung-over. He saw Eyelashes, the Dugong and the Dog laid over as he was moments ago. Carue look at his friend and saluted, only to fall down.

"Carue, hang in there!"


End file.
